one might say we're banned from that church
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
