That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
