Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Congratulations! We have a period
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
