I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
