yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
