i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
