CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
