Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
