My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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