Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think my vagina is haunted
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
