I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
