u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
