Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
