where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
