Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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