don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
