why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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