If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
