I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
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so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
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Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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