The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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