I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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