Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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