the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't deserve a penis
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
