I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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