There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
