I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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