then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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