apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
