i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
