do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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