fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My vagina just recognized that song.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize