Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
