Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
