Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
