I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
