He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
