Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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