I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
