Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
