my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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