I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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