Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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