did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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