can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
