k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize