I hope my margaritas pass through security.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.