If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.