Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...