I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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