So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
