I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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