how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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