Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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