captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
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Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
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Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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