when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
