I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
