Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
