he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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