I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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